He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My balls are so social today.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
