The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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