I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
