i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
