I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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