I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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