I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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