You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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