I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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