zippers are such a cool invention
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
