Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I love you. Go after that dick
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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