There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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