just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
