So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
