so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
