We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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