So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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