Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
