so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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