i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
