i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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