man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
