if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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