You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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