P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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