I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think my moral compass just broke
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
