You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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