Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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