i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
