the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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