What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
