Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
