Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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