Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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