Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she peed on how many people?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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