Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
