Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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