when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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