Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
