They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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