i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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