This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
