This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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