my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
