I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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