There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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