i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
