I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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