Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
