***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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