There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
