I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
