I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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