you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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